Family of choice

Today, a very close friend, flew in for a week long visit. She recently moved away, with her baby, to Chicago. Thanks to the recession, she lost her job, and had to move back in with her parents. It tore me apart when she moved away, because she is literally like my sister. After my spinal cord surgery, and birth of my daughter, she was always there for me. Whether it was taking me back and forth to physical therapy, babysitting for me when I was exhausted, or being my legs when I needed some help around the house- she was there. I never felt apologetic or guilty for asking her for help, and she feels the same about me. Hence, when she needed a place to stay while she sorted out some personal business in town, she knew she could call me.

When I first became disabled, I watched my friendships change, many of them dramatically. I found out people I always thought would always be there for me, disappeared. I found myself extremely hurt, and the whole experience shook my faith in my ability to pick trustworthy friends. However, some people I became closer to, unexpectedly, and this lady was one of them.

It has been a few days since she has arrived, and it has been wonderful getting to talk about everything under the sun. I abhor the telephone, and I can never seem to say everything I want in an email. Sometimes, you just need that face to face contact. I love getting to bury my face in her 5 month old son's neck, and cuddle him. My daughter enjoys making him giggle, and helping out with his needs, but she becomes jealous if I show him too much attention. I've enjoyed planning meals, and cooking, for my friend actually enjoys what I prepare to eat (and is not as picky as my husband and daughter!). I am tired, because I am overexerting myself, but I can not help it. I like making sure someone is comfortable in my home, and for once- she needs me.

I have always believed in the concept of having a family of choice. I did not come from a close-knit family, and I am often misunderstood by those I am related to. I know I am loved, but if I had to rely solely on them for emotional support, I would be very lonely indeed. We are just very different- and I am honestly okay with that, now. One of the wonderful things about growing up, was choosing who I would let into my life, and how much contact I would have with them. I am fortunate enough that I have managed to form some close friendships with a few people. There is nothing like knowing that someone truly loves, embraces, and accepts you for who you are.

Vehicles..argh!!!

Today I had to take my van in for a service, since the "maintenance required" light has been on for a week. I have a 2003 Honda Odyssey, and it is absolutely ideal for me. It has plenty of room for both my electric scooter and manual chair, and the automatic sliding doors are ideal for helping me load groceries and my child. I never considered myself a minivan kind of person, and I remember once, in the past (before kid), scoffing at parents who buy a van after giving birth to their first child. Lesson learned- never EVER say never. Funny how life can throw you a real curve ball!

Turns out I am really wearing out the brakes! Since I make sure I keep a good deal of distance between me and other cars on the road, I tend to tap the brakes frequently. I need more of a stopping difference, because my right foot, hip and leg is partially paralyzed, and it doesn't have a lot of strength. I know I should drive an adapted vehicle, but the cost was prohibitive. I live in the suburbs, and the public transportation around here is a joke. Being stuck in the house 24/7, and having to rely on others to ferry me around would be a real pain. I would also be extremely depressed. I am a very social person, and seeing others, and getting out in the world is extremely important to me. I wish there was another option, but for right now- it is what works. I just replaced the brake pads a few months ago, and they are already worn down. The timing belt is due to be replaced, too- but the $700 dollars I was quoted today was beyond our means, until next month. Guess I will be staying home for awhile- don't want to take a chance on the engine blowing up when I'm out, or anything, and ruin my van, forever.

First post!

I have blogged on Live Journal, in the past, to discuss my personal life- with a few selected friends. Lately, I've ventured to the world of Mom blogs, in order to find ideas and read viewpoints from other other mothers. However, I noticed something. I could find many, many, many women writing about their day to day life rearing children, however I struggled to find any written by mothers who were trying to parent with a physical disability. I was a little surprised! I found blogs about special needs children- but what about special needs parents? I wonder why that is? It's not like people with disabilities do not reproduce! LOL

It is late, and I need to be in bed. Recently, my child returned from a month long trip abroad. She was visiting my in-laws, who live overseas. Her body clock is still 5 hours ahead, so that means she is waking up before the crack of dawn- which means "I" have to be up, as well. We had a full day of activity, so hopefully she is so worn out, that she sleeps a little later. To be honest, I feel like I have tried to overcompensate. Her grandmother has unlimited stores of energy, and played with her sun-up to sundown. I physically can not afford to do that, and I can feel my body scolding me for being so foolish. My doctor has a saying, " You have to conserve to preserve.". Today, I decided to say the heck with conservation, and tried to make sure my kid had a good day with me. We went to the movies, lunch at a pizzeria, the bakery, and met a local farmer to buy some of his produce (I got fennel in my cooperative farm box, which was a first. I'd never seen it fresh before.). I also cooked dinner, using the fennel and potatoes that were in my box. My daughter said her favorite part of the day was looking at all the different fruits and vegetables we received in our co-op box. I might as well have saved some money, and not purchased the tickets to go see Up. She found it too scary (my child is 4). We were supposed to go see the free movie, Horton Hears a Who, but all of the seats were taken up by the time we got there, including the ones for wheelchair users and their companions. The wheelchair space was available, but not the seats next to it. I didn't relish having a kid sitting on my lap for an entire movie- nor would she have wanted to sit there. Not to mention, with a spinal cord injury, you must be careful to avoid situations that could create pressure sores. I don't have sensation in my thighs, so I would not know when to shift her, or if her position was cutting off my circulation. I decided I did not want to disappoint her, since I did say we were going to see something, hence my choice of films.